Teaching Among the Unicorns and Cannonballs

The old lifeguard test included an exercise in which you had to  tread water while holding a brick over your head for five minutes. If the brick got wet, you failed. I reckon a lot of people feel like they are treading water while holding a brick over their head.  If you’ve never had to tread water with a brick overhead, you really missed out.

More than anything else in that certification process the brick test caused me quite a bit of anxiety. I worked my training into my shifts at the Children’s Home (“who wants to go to the pool?”). In most sessions I would start out strong, but after 20 seconds the floundering and sputtering would begin. Co-workers asked if my brick and I needed floaties. My clients took wagers on my success and drawing potential or would divebomb my efforts. I saw spots and swallowed some nasty pool water..

I worked so hard to keep my brick dry. Making it to 30 seconds felt glorious until I realized that 30 seconds is not remotely close to five minutes. UGH… I didn’t get it. I could tread water for 20 minutes on my own. Bricks don’t weigh much. Even my delicate flower-like self could hold a brick up for five minutes. Yet, put those two things together and I quickly became aquatically challenged. With two weeks to go my brick hadn’t stayed dry beyond two minutes…SIGH

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the brick test experience. 

In 2018 the US ranked 16th in a study that explored the link between respect for teachers and educational quality around the world. Of 35 nations China ranked first, 60 points higher than the US. When asked what profession teaching is similar to, the Chinese respondents compared teachers with doctors. In the US, people equate teachers with librarians. Now, librarians rock, but…ouch. And this was in the Before Time (pre pandemic).

Now that we’ve begun the After Time (post pandemic) and the culture war hysteria continues to run rampant, I reckon that the next time they publish this data the US will have fallen further down if not out of the Top 20. These days even the people who say they respect teachers don't really respect teachers. Yet, even if they did respect teachers, respect is not enough.

Saying you respect teachers really just pays lip service to the profession.  I mean it isn’t as bad as saying that teaching is “a noble profession,”  but it’s close.  Please don’t ever say to me that teaching is noble…just please don’t.  Uttering that phrase tells me two things… First, you have no clue. Second, you didn’t pay attention in your ancient and medieval history class.  Most people have no idea what it takes to teach and, if I remember correctly, the nobility had wealth and power.  Teachers have neither wealth nor power. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Like other professions or parenting, teachers have a brick test everyday. Except when teachers tread water with their bricks they have people doing cannonballs all around them. To survive this, it helps to look for unicorns. The chaos of treading water, with a brick overhead, amongst all the madness tends to garner all of our attention. That chaos obscures our vision and it doesn’t help that unicorns don’t always present as magical creatures. Unicorns often present as a brief moment of calm, a kind word or gesture, or a breakthrough with a student. Sometimes unicorns just remind you that things could suck worse.  To paraphrase The Waterboys, we get so focused on the crescent that we don’t see the whole of the moon. 

No matter how tiring treading water is; no matter how heavy the brick feels; or how long the brick test seems - unicorns exist.

I passed that brick test and got my lifeguard certification. I stopped focusing on the time and the weight to embrace the spots of color I saw or the dry taste of fresh air. At some point things got better if just for a moment. During my test, my head dropped under the water every so often. When it did I saw an array of colors as my spray of water arced across the bright sun. I could also see that some folks struggled worse than I did during the test. Yeah it did suck. Maybe there’s a fine line between drowning and succeeding, but I had it pretty good and just needed to hold on.

Some things prove difficult or do suck, but it could be worse. That’s my mantra these days. In my daily brick test I embrace the suck knowing that others have it way worse and the test will eventually end. If I’m lucky I tap into that unicorn magic and use the words of my former classmate Giles Corey and say to the world, “more weight.”