Oh the bridges I have burned… That’s the book Dr. Seuss wanted to write.
I don’t really like to burn bridges and certainly don’t burn things down like I want. Although I still dream of some good ol’ scorched earth antics, I’m more likely to set myself on fire instead of any bridge. I should really be more careful with matches..
In the last few months self immolation has come up in a few different articles I’ve read. Setting yourself on fire is quite a way to go and quite the statement of protest.
Not long ago I may have committed professional self immolation. I lost three potential students for Do.Think.Learn (DTL). This doesn’t sound like much but with only one confirmed student for next year and my messaging not resonating, I need to make some decisions about the future.
Anyway, two families contacted me about enrolling three students at DTL. A former colleague warned me that these moms were “high maintenance;” but they seemed like cool people. Demanding parents are not automatically a red flag for me so I agreed to meet with them to hash out details. Besides, three potential students represented a path forward for DTL and a temporary reprieve from debt and self-doubt
As such, I spent months building a bridge to these potential students and their families.
One thing I do well is to lay out explicit and clear expectations about what this school does and does not do. If it works for your family - awesome. If it does not, no worries - we’re good. It’s all about fit. Clear and consistent boundaries work for everyone. Except when they don’t.
Every few weeks the moms would ask to meet. At each meeting they would present a new set of concerns or a new list of asks. I would listen and consider how this would impact the other students and my program. We would discuss and again I would what DTL could do and how we could make adjustments. Certainly we could make this happen. With time we seemed in agreement and my optimism grew.
However hope seemed to blind me to the fact that with each meeting the bridge got longer instead of stronger. Instead of walking away I put up lanterns so we can find our way to meet in the middle.
The moms scheduled a new meeting and I’m led to believe that I will leave this meeting with deposit checks in my hand.
Except instead of checks they greeted me with a new set of ‘wants.’
We had now crossed into ’a bridge too far’ territory. The various wants would fundamentally alter DTL, and more importantly, would have a negative impact on my returning student. The list included several demands that would require me to fundamentally alter my entire program. I was not able or willing to do that for them. I explained my concerns to the moms.
On the bridge I lit more lanterns to shine more light on what DTL is and how we do things. When in doubt more fire is usually the solution. Perhaps with more light they will see how they have strayed from their original path. Nope. More fuel, the fires grow. Still no. Standing on the bridge flames spill from the lanterns The railings on the bridge start to burn.
It becomes clear that what they want and what I do will never be congruent. We agree this just isn’t going to work out. I thank them for their time and we part amicably.
I watched them walk safely back to their side of the bridge. After they go, I stand stunned and empty handed in the middle of a bridge that has now caught fire. As the flames wrap themselves along the railings of this bridge I wonder - What just happened? What did I do? Should I have given in to their demands? What kind of fool walks away from the money to save his business?
Looking around at the flames feeding on the wood and oxygen, I don't know if I can make it back to my side of the bridge before fire engulfs the entire structure. Maybe I’ll sit here and watch it burn.
This brings me to a Founder’s Dilemma. Do you cave and do whatever for clients even if it dismantles what you built to stay afloat. Or, how do you balance your organizational identity with financial survival?
Who knows what the future holds, but the fire is nice. Guess I’ll go for a walk and see what happens.