The mom of DTL’s first seventh grade student checked in last week. She included a photo of her now high schooler with the caption “your student.” The young woman looking back at the camera in many ways is and is not the same young woman who rocked 7th grade at Do.Think.Learn. ‘My student’ stood with power and purpose that only comes from a strong inner sense of self. I couldn’t help but feel good about the small part I played in building that foundation.
That same mom approached me one afternoon three years ago looking for help. Her daughter (who we’ll call Cuckles) struggled with zoom school in the first months of the pandemic. Mom saw some red flags she couldn’t ignore. Chuckles had lost interest in school. Beyond the awful tedium of zoom learning, school had eroded Chuckles’ sense of self. She no longer wanted to do school, but worse, Chuckles no longer believed in herself or her ability to succeed in school.
Middle school represents a crucial period in life and in school. The onset of adolescence can overwhelm individuals. This is understandable when you consider that their body and brain suddenly becomes a dysfunctional construction zone. At the same time these individuals enter middle school - a period in their education in which they are trained for higher order thinking and learning. To make matters worse, most middle schools are not designed to support such individuals or provide what they need to successfully cross the bridge into adulthood.
After a few conversations, Chuckles became our first 7th grade student. This did not please her. The change in schools and schooling irked her quite a bit at first. Yet, after some push, pull, and testing out the new system, she began to embrace doing, thinking, and learning. To my surprise her positivity towards school increased when we were able to return to the office (we initially met in person at her house). I like to think that this increase in engagement happened as a result of Chuckles seeing school as having more meaning than her previous experiences. She went to school in an office in which she could interact with other professionals in the building. She had her own key and set her own schedule each day. We went out to lunch and did work like real grown ups.
The goals her Mom and I discussed included: reestablishing self confidence, rebuilding her skills across all subjects, and reigniting her curiosity for the world. We did all that and a bit more. By the end of 7th grade Chuckles had started working ahead in math; writing notebooks of poetry; presenting in a confident, professional manner; and leading discussions with the older students. That doesn’t even cover rebuilding her confidence in what she was capable of outside of school. Chuckles believed in herself again.
When we first met Chuckles seemed like a card house of confidence. However, that facade of strength and bravado would crumble at the slightest challenge or disturbance in the force. By spring break it was obvious Chuckles was ready to fly. She had the strength and skills to head off for 8th grade so we filled out applications, wrote essays, and made sure she’d be admitted to her first choice of schools. In the independent school world, it’s way easier to get into your preferred high school if you already attend that school. So off Chuckles went and has crushed it almost every step of the way since then.
That’s the job. When you teach someone how to fly, eventually they will fly off.
So now when I get updates from Mom I can’t help but be proud of who she has become and who she will be. I know Chuckles did all the heavy lifting, but I like to think I did my job pretty well.